April 17, 2013

Wolverine vs. Deathstroke

So, this is my realistic take on how this fight would go…

—Let’s Begin—

So let’s say these two have never met. And they’re in a junkyard because whatever. And before yall tell me this is an easy fight in which Wolverine would come out victorious, lemme give you some facts about Slade. First off, he has a healing factor similar to Wolverine’s, only it is a lot weaker. He can’t regenerate limbs or other body parts (hence why he’s still missing an eye). Secondly, he can use 90% of his brain, making him a genius in and out of combat. Thirdly, he has enhanced strength, speed, stamina, dick size, and agility.

To make you guys aware of how crazy this dude is, it once took a combined effort from Batman, Nightwing, and Tim Drake to take him down. So shut the fuck up about Wolverine owning him because you don’t know shitcockdickpenis.

—Let’s Begin…for reals—

So Deathstroke would definitely use his ranged weaponry to his advantage. Wolverine has mastered the use of guns as well, but rarely carries any with him. He prefers to use his signature adamantium laced claws.

So after a few successful shots from his rifle, Deathstroke would become aware of Wolverine’s regeneration factor.

Wolverine doesn’t usually need to dodge bullets very often. Similar to Deadpool, Wolverine is more likely to run into bullets than away from them because fuck it.

Every shot hurts and slows Wolverine down. They also make him angrier. Wolverine’s feral nature works to his advantage about 50% of the time. If he’s fighting another brute, it is beneficial. if he’s fighting a tactician, it’ll bite him in the arse. Unfortunately, Wolverine is fighting head-to-head with the former.

Despite his frustration, Wolverine would have enough sense in him to find cover behind a dumpster. He’d know by now that Deathstroke is no ordinary marksman.

Instead of risking having Wolverine completely heal from his wounds, Deathstroke would drop his weapons and charge with his sword in hand. After all, he’s just as effective in hand-to-hand combat as he is with a gun.

Wolverine would hear Slade’s footsteps coming closer. There would be no sense in sneaking around since Wolverine has heightened senses, but Deathstroke would try anyways.

THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN WOLVERINE WOULD LEAP OVER THE DUMPSTER AND—

BANG BANG BANG

Deathstroke would quick draw his pistol and hit Wolverine 3 times. All 3 shots would be in the chest because he’s fucking nice with it. Wolverine wouldn’t flinch though and would land on Deathstroke with his 6 claws deep in Slade’s shoulders. He’d pull out (heh) and slice Slade two more times before a badly injured Deathstroke would manage to kick him off.

At this point, Wolverine would be completely healed from the rifle shots and begin to heal from the pistol shots. Oh, and he’d be really fucking angry. Deathstroke would be in serious pain and his regeneration would kick start. If you don’t know much about Deathstroke, he reaches insanity when he recovers from fatal wounds. Like literal insanity. Deathstroke would draw his sword again. They would both be in feral states slicing each other up.

They’d eventually drop in a big bloody fucking mess. After about a half hour, Wolverine would get up, crack his neck and back, and glance down at his opponent. He’d walk away, wearing Slade’s blood with pride.