Posts tagged DCU

So, this is my realistic take on how this fight would go…

—Let’s Begin—

So let’s say these two have never met. And they’re in a junkyard because whatever. And before yall tell me this is an easy fight in which Wolverine would come out victorious, lemme give you some facts about Slade. First off, he has a healing factor similar to Wolverine’s, only it is a lot weaker. He can’t regenerate limbs or other body parts (hence why he’s still missing an eye). Secondly, he can use 90% of his brain, making him a genius in and out of combat. Thirdly, he has enhanced strength, speed, stamina, dick size, and agility.

To make you guys aware of how crazy this dude is, it once took a combined effort from Batman, Nightwing, and Tim Drake to take him down. So shut the fuck up about Wolverine owning him because you don’t know shitcockdickpenis.

—Let’s Begin…for reals—

So Deathstroke would definitely use his ranged weaponry to his advantage. Wolverine has mastered the use of guns as well, but rarely carries any with him. He prefers to use his signature adamantium laced claws.  

So after a few successful shots from his rifle, Deathstroke would become aware of Wolverine’s regeneration factor. 

Wolverine doesn’t usually need to dodge bullets very often. Similar to Deadpool, Wolverine is more likely to run into bullets than away from them because fuck it.  

Every shot hurts and slows Wolverine down. They also make him angrier. Wolverine’s feral nature works to his advantage about 50% of the time. If he’s fighting another brute, it is beneficial. if he’s fighting a tactician, it’ll bite him in the arse.  Unfortunately, Wolverine is fighting head-to-head with the former. 

Despite his frustration, Wolverine would have enough sense in him to find cover behind a dumpster. He’d know by now that Deathstroke is no ordinary marksman.

Instead of risking having Wolverine completely heal from his wounds, Deathstroke would drop his weapons and charge with his sword in hand. After all, he’s just as effective in hand-to-hand combat as he is with a gun.

Wolverine would hear Slade’s footsteps coming closer. There would be no sense in sneaking around since Wolverine has heightened senses, but Deathstroke would try anyways. 

THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN WOLVERINE WOULD LEAP OVER THE DUMPSTER AND—

BANG BANG BANG

Deathstroke would quick draw his pistol and hit Wolverine 3 times. All 3 shots would be in the chest because he’s fucking nice with it. Wolverine wouldn’t flinch though and would land on Deathstroke with his 6 claws deep in Slade’s shoulders. He’d pull out (heh) and slice Slade two more times before a badly injured Deathstroke would manage to kick him off.

At this point, Wolverine would be completely healed from the rifle shots and begin to heal from the pistol shots. Oh, and he’d be really fucking angry. Deathstroke would be in serious pain and his regeneration would kick start. If you don’t know much about Deathstroke, he reaches insanity when he recovers from fatal wounds. Like literal insanity. Deathstroke would draw his sword again. They would both be in feral states slicing each other up.

They’d eventually drop in a big bloody fucking mess. After about a half hour, Wolverine would get up, crack his neck and back, and glance down at his opponent. He’d walk away, wearing Slade’s blood with pride.

“Nice sparrin’ with ya bub.”

The end.

-Dogpool

So, this is my realistic take on how this fight would go…

—Let’s Begin—

So let’s just say Batman had no prior encounters with Daredevil, since I’m convinced that a prepared Batman is an unstoppable Batman.

I like the idea of this fight because Daredevil’s blindness and fearlessness directly counter Batman’s usual approach: Stalking foes and instilling fear in them. Daredevil is blind, so Batman’s use of the darkness would be useless. Daredevil has fought in the darkness since he was struck blind.

Batman might start off by sneaking around, trying to find an opening. As soon as he would find it, he’d pounce, and Daredevil would counter with ease by connecting his foot with Batman’s face.

Batman would then calculate how hard he was hit and estimate his opponent’s strength. It wouldn’t take much time to realize that Daredevil does not have any super strength.

He’d then throw some batarangs which would be swiftly dodged by Daredevil. Batman would either assume that Daredevil is a highly trained fighter or that he has superhumanly enhanced senses. Nonetheless, Batman would find that he is the better of the two, having fought and beaten what seems like much more dangerous foes.

Daredevil would be on the defensive the entire time. It’s what he does best. He lets his opponents make enough noise to paint a clear picture in his mind. Once his opponent tires himself out (which he’d be able to find out by regulating their heart beats with his super senses) he would use all of his unused energy to pummel the shit out of whoever he’s fighting,

Batman would try to end the fight quickly by throwing 3 smoke bombs around Daredevil. The initial “Pop!” of each bomb would be enough for Daredevil to paint a clear picture of Batman. Batman would try to connect with three hard punches and miss all of them. Daredevil would counter with two slams to Batman’s head with his billy club and one kick to the stomach. Batman would absorb the kick by Daredevil and grab onto his leg, successfully pulling him closer and slamming one into his nose. Daredevil would try to recover just to be punched 3 more times by the Batman. With a quick back flip, Daredevil would evade Batman’s next two punches and create distance between the two.

It is at this point that Daredevil would go on the offensive, not so much because Batman’s heart has shown any signs of fatigue, but because he allowed himself to be hit and is angered because of it.

Daredevil would connect his billy clubs into a staff and take a huge upward swing at Batman. The Dark Knight would attempt to leap over it, but his scrotum would suffer a soft, slightly pleasing graze. He’d giggle and blush for a second; enough time for an angry Daredevil to tackle him to the ground.

While they’re on the ground, Batman would try to test the boundaries between him and Daredevil by softly twisting his left nipple. Daredevil would be a little confused at this point and would react by grabbing Batman’s ass cheek.

Within 2 minutes, both heroes would be wearing nothing but their masks and socks. They eventually would find that Batman has the more dominating personality and adjust accordingly…

The end.

-Dogpool

Gonna write about it at like 5

Who wins?

I’ll post it at like 6.

Who do you think would win?

dogpool:

Ever since 8th grade, my group of friends were labeled as “potheads.”  This put me in a weird situation since I never, and still have never, smoked weed (or anything). They are good kids and I’ve always enjoyed their company.

Some of my friends eventually turned to cocaine, and then got off of it quick enough. Everyone but one dude. Arguably the kid with the most potential in our group. This kid was a great athlete, an even greater musician, and a very genuine person.

So one day, I ended up in his car.  I hadn’t seen him in months (I strayed away from a lot of my friends during and after their coke days).  Him and his friend (a huge piece of shit) wanted to get some coke but couldn’t afford it.  I ended up spending about 4 hours in that car hearing then list names of people they could possibly rob for drug money.  Hate.  The shit kid left the car after growing tired of waiting (who knows how he got his fix that night…).  So it was just me and my friend.  He turned to me and asked me the shittiest question ever:

—

Him: Can you please lend me some money, I know you have some.  I’ll pay you back.

Me: Listen, I know you’d pay me back.  It’s not about that shit.  I just don’t wanna pay for your fucking cocaine.  I don’t even want you to do cocaine, so why the fuck would I pay for it?

—

And then he said it…

Him: Fine, I’ll just get something cheaper.

—

He made a quick phone call…one that I blocked out with fuckfuckfuck.

I wanted to go home so fucking bad.  He ended up driving us to this sketchy ass alleyway.  We walked deep into it to meet this scrawny little white man.  He handed my friend a bag of heroine and gave me an unanswered nod. 

Then before I could process what was taking place, he was sucked into the darkness of the alleyway and my friend was knocked to the ground. 

I looked up at a dark figure who revealed himself to be the Red Arrow.  I didn’t know whether to be excited or scare shitless.  He had the drugs in his hand and struggled to shove it in his pocket for a moment.

—

Me: I—I I wa—wasn’t gonna do—

*SMACK*

I dropped to the ground.

Red Arrow: SHUT THE FUCK UP. NO EXCUSES, JUST GO HOME.

My friend and I hauled ass all the way out of the alleyway and to his car.  I wonder why Red Arrow was acting so crazy…I’m just happy he came when he did. My friend never touched another drug again.

-Dogpool

dogpool:

I once read that if a couple isn’t satisfied with their sexual life, they have a huge chance of divorcing.  I read that and was like “that’s kind of shitty…” But then I pictured having sex the same way for 20+ years…and then I pictured those pornos where the husband leaves the house for work and his wife gets railed by her son’s best friend.  People get bored.

I never really think about that little fact when I experiment with my lady.  We just do because we’re hyper little pervs I guess.

So we decide I’m gunna be a dominant alpha male for once (I’m usually pretty submissive and giving for the most part…since you guys were wondering).

So we get into it and she’s like:

“Mmmmmmmm AHHHHHH oh fuck!”

And then I hear a huge fucking CRASHHH and before I even knew I was off of her, I was a naked, frozen icicle stuck to the wall. 

Then I see this asshole:

Superman: What’s the pro—ooooooooh…

Me: Yeah.

Superman: I am so sorry, is there anything you—

Me: Just leave…please…and melt this ice before you go.

—

He melts the ice with his lasers and then fixes my wall in like 2 seconds.  He looks over to my girlfriend, who was under her covers looking embarrassed, and mouths “I’m so sorry” and then flies away.

A heavy silence passes and I somehow get in the mood again.

I slowly walk towards the bed, awkwardly giggle…and then I give her the look.

Her: I think I’m just gonna go to bed now.

Me: Ok sweetheart…

[My fist clenches as I look out the window]

Fuck you Superman…fuck you.

-Dogpool

dogpool:

If I was suddenly granted powers, I would not go outside and use them until I had the coolest name possible.

My Answer:

If I was feeling really lazy, I would probably just wear one of my superhero shirts and call myself something like Superboy…or Super Steve…

Or maybe I would just wear plain clothes like Luke Cage and call myself Steve…or Steven.

OR!!! I could be a cute superhero and wear something adorable similar to Squirrel Girl and call myself the Tasmanian Devil :O

F#ck it, that’s too dangerous. I’d wear a mask to protect the ones I love.  I’d need a mysterious name…Enigma?

Hmm, or maybe I’d embrace my hispanic side and call myself El Mariachi.

…

Nah I’d probably just wear whatever the f#ck I want and change my superhero name 3 times a day.

What would your name be?

-Dogpool

dogpool:

First of all, I wouldn’t look the part-

Skin Color- Brown. This wouldn’t be too much of a problem, although I would just have to work a little harder to win people’s hearts.  Most people today wouldn’t consider themselves racist, but subliminal, cultural messages will always influence our pre-judgments. 

Height- 5’5. This would make me about 7 inches shorter than the majority of mainstream superheroes. I kind of love this though, looking wimpy and all.  Being underestimated is only an advantage.

Weight- 135lbs. That’s about 70lbs lighter than most superheroes. I’m embarrassing >.<

Body Build- Almost physically fit…I don’t have the cool muscles like Spider-Man or Superman :/

—Womp—

Secondly, I would not act like a superhero-

Morals- I’d like to think that I’m a genuinely good person. That being said, I’m no boy scout. Let’s look at the 7 deadly sins.

Lust- As long as I have my lady, this one would be under control.

Gluttony- Nope, I have self-control in this area.

Greed- I would abuse my power to gain riches. There is no doubt about that. Whether it is by stealing, or by becoming a “Hero for Hire” is unknown. 

First, I would buy a beautiful secluded island that would act as my base of operations. On this island would live my family and closest friends. I would have body guards patrolling the island 24/7 (they would probably be my friends, and I’d pay them well). My family and friends would fly to wherever they want, because I doubt they want me to trap them on an island.

Secondly, I would want to be armed to the teeth. I would want to be as efficient as possible.

Thirdly, I would buy lots of random sh#t because I can and deserve it.

Sloth- I would want days where I would just hang with my girlfriend, friends or family.  Days where I would just play with all the sh#t I bought and relax. I would have a LOT of these days, and I probably wouldn’t feel bad about all the people I could of helped those days.

Wrath- This is where the whole superhero thing goes down the toilet.  If you f#ck with my family, I’ll kill you. If you f#ck with my friends, I’ll kill you. If you take videos of naked children, I’ll kill you. If you look at my girlfriend funny, I’ll break you. If you decide you want to f#ck up another Deadpool movie [Liam Neeson voice]: I will find you and I will kill you. If you wear a white hood and promote hatred, I’ll threaten you. If you wear a white hood and act on that hatred, I’ll break you. If you hijack a plane and crash into one of my buildings again, I will kill whoever sent you; I’d make it a slow death.

—

Half of you guys: Wow, you’re an a$$hole.

Me: I’m sitting here and I’m being 100% honest with myself. I believe giving me powers will tempt me to play God and pass judgment on people. No, killing people is not the right way to go about fixing things. In fact, it’s a very lazy attempt to fix anything. That being said, it would be my method. I haven’t lied to you guys to make myself look good once, and I won’t lie to you now. 

—

Envy- I would have A LOT, but not everything. I can’t see myself becoming too envious, nor do I see myself acting the envy I do possess.

Pride- I’d have so much pride >.< I could see myself becoming the biggest prick. I would think I’m so great. Just the fact that I would place myself above the people I choose to kill is an act of pride. I’m NOT better than them. Just different.

I would become famous rather quickly. It would all go to my head. People, like my girlfriend, would probably hate the new me and leave me. I’d become an alcoholic (Hancock status) and f#ck shit up even worst.

Give a person too much power, and he will abuse it. I am no exception.

-Dogpool

dogpool:

who didn’t wear a mask in high school.  Who learned to freely express the essence of who they really were. 

I’d like to give a shout-out to all the nerds that I made fun of with my “friends,” just to go home and play World of Warcraft and read comic books when no one was watching. 

I’m a coward.

I’d like to give a shout-out to the kids I’ve made cry, to the girl I made cut herself, and to the kid I jumped that one time…

I’m in college now.  I don’t talk to anyone from high school.  High school means NOTHING.  It doesn’t matter that I was on the football team.  It doesn’t matter that people thought I was funny.  None of it matters.

I was awful…I was a douchebag…but I’m getting better.

Oh, and I’m thankful for all of my followers:) 

Good day to all of you.  Be brave and embrace your individuality. 

-Dogpool