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Sometimes Bruce gets a little upset and emo…
I get so mad sometimes,
I’m forever alone.
The Justice League is on my dick,
But I won’t pick up the phone.
I get all the ladies when I play pretend,
But they don’t like me,
they just want my money to spend.
It’s not even like I’d be able to get into it when when I poke her,
She’d be screaming “Bruce Wayne!”
But I’d just be thinking about Joker,
And how to defeat him,
And how I’m the one for this city.
But today I feel shitty.
I don’t get enough sleep,
I don’t have time to eat,
I miss my parents,
And no one’s there to hug me when I weep.
Alfred is my only friend and he thinks I’m a loser, chronic masturbator ‘cus I’m always on the computer.
But I’m not a loser,
I know Catwoman wants the dick,
And I know I can do her,
But I’m not that slick…
So yeah maybe I do slap my chicken in front of the computer,
And release my emotions into the end of a sock.
Man, I suck.
I should just hang up the suit,
I don’t have super strength,
I don’t have lasers to shoot.
I can’t teleport or fly,
I’m not a superhero…
I’m just a lonely guy.
What do you guys think about him being casted?
How do you think the movie is gonna play out?
So, although the whole Ben Affleck/Batman thing has calmed down a bit, people who know me as a comic nerd still come up to me and sing the same song: “So what do you think about Ben Affleck being casted as the new Batman?” They ask it with a grin, waiting to bash him with me. But I always surprise them by saying “I think he’ll do fine.”
Honestly, and this will be an unpopular opinion, I thought Daredevil was pretty enjoyable. I wish Colin Farrell captured Bullseye’s insanity in a less over-the-top manner and that Elektra was just a minor character. I loved Michael Clarke Duncan’s Kingpin. He has such a presence to him. I would have liked it if his character’s intelligence was displayed a bit more.
I could go on and on, but this post isn’t about Daredevil. The only reason I mentioned it is because it’s the go-to movie to insult.
"Ben Affleck ruined Daredevil." etc. etc.
He wasn’t great, but there were a fuck lot more things wrong with that movie than the casting. The writing was lazy, the romance felt corny to me, and there were a few scenes where I just wanted to punch Affleck in the face. That being said, it was enjoyable and there were some very Batman-esk scenes. My favorite was when Ben/Matt Murdock is showering and his many scars are revealed, showing that he was very much just a man in a suit. Sound familiar?
Anyways, I’m done with DD.
Lemme ask you…what do you think the difficulty level is for acting as the Batman? Seriously?
Considering the fact that Batman wears a costume and lurks in the shadows, not much is expected acting-wise. He needs a powerful voice, great eye and mouth gestures, and a great presence. That’s it. Ben Affleck is very much capable of doing this. He just needs to bulk up and work on his voice (anything other than Christian Bale’s best imitation of the Godfather would do). It is a lot more difficult to play the part of Bruce Wayne. He’s a billionaire, playboy. He needs to be likable. So yeah that’s about it.
Ben Affleck can do all these things. Would he have been my first pick for Batman? Hell no lol. But everyone who matters thinks he would be great, and they’re the ones telling the story. So I trust that they know what they are doing. I remember the last time people got butthurt over casting a very unlikely actor to play one of our favorite comic book villains…
We also seem to forget that this isn’t a Batman movie. Henry Cavill is still the title character. His performance as Superman was fine, but it didn’t blow anyone out of the water. Yet people will bitch if Affleck’s performance as Batman is anything less than amazing. It’s not like Christian Bale set the bar that high. His fighting moves were clumsy looking, his voice was lol, but he still played the part great. I think Affleck will do well with what he is given. It’s all about the writing. Let’s just hope it’s a good story.
An anon kindly asked me to give some info on a few of DC’s greatest assassins because of the 8 assassins that will be one of the focuses of the upcoming Batman game, Arkham Origins.
Deathstroke has already been confirmed as one of the assassins hired by the Black Mask to eliminate Bats.
Here are some of the possibilities (keep in mind that Arkham Origins will be a prequel to the other two games so anything goes):
So Lady Shiva is a martial arts grandmaster who specializes in taking down opponents with her bare hands. Her origins revolve around her and her mission to track down and kill her sister’s murderer. She eventually becomes a master assassin.
Merlyn is Green Arrow’s arch-nemesis. He has all the skills that his green counterpart does, only he’s EVILLLLLL. Merlyn’s second encounter with the Green Lantern was actually during Merlyn’s attempt to assassinate Batman. So it’d make a lot of sense if he was trying to kill the Bats in the upcoming game.
He’s a highly trained assassin who helped train a young Bruce Wayne in different forms of combat. He wanted to create the perfect assassin by training children and stuff. He failed miserably so he decided to raise and train his own child. So he banged Lady Shiva and made Cassandra Cain aka Batgirl aka Black Bat.
The Mad Dog:
One of David Cain’s earlier failures, the Mad Dog was basically just thrown away into the wild. He still retained the combat training he grew up with and is a very capable assassin.
An expert marksman. He’s usually a hired assassin and brags about never missing.
The Red Hood:
This was the Joker’s alias before he fell into the vat of chemicals and became the Joker. He was a minor crime boss kinda guy but it’d be cool if he was one of the assassins. It could somehow lead into the other games once Batman corners him and accidentally leads him to fall into the chemicals.
Vandal Savage is an immortal man whose origins date back to 50,000 B.C. He’s an expert martial artist and genius and a dick.
He is a frustrated athlete who turns to crime…so he uses his sporty skills to uhh his advantage…
Black Spider can be implemented in the video game with a twist. He is a double agent who pretends to help out Black Mask by fucking up a ball in Wayne’s Manor. His real goal is to kill Black Mask, but is stopped by the Batman. This incident cuts up Black Spider’s face which ends up looking like a web, so that’s the origin of his name. He becomes a baddy and hates Batman. So like, he can be one of the first assassins and then once his plan fails to kill Black Mask, he can return to kill the Batman at another point of the game. Idk, just an idea.
I’m done, I’m fucking tired.
Hope at least one of these are used Anon.
So, this is my realistic take on how this fight would go…
So let’s say these two have never met. And they’re in a junkyard because whatever. And before yall tell me this is an easy fight in which Wolverine would come out victorious, lemme give you some facts about Slade. First off, he has a healing factor similar to Wolverine’s, only it is a lot weaker. He can’t regenerate limbs or other body parts (hence why he’s still missing an eye). Secondly, he can use 90% of his brain, making him a genius in and out of combat. Thirdly, he has enhanced strength, speed, stamina, dick size, and agility.
To make you guys aware of how crazy this dude is, it once took a combined effort from Batman, Nightwing, and Tim Drake to take him down. So shut the fuck up about Wolverine owning him because you don’t know shitcockdickpenis.
—Let’s Begin…for reals—
So Deathstroke would definitely use his ranged weaponry to his advantage. Wolverine has mastered the use of guns as well, but rarely carries any with him. He prefers to use his signature adamantium laced claws.
So after a few successful shots from his rifle, Deathstroke would become aware of Wolverine’s regeneration factor.
Wolverine doesn’t usually need to dodge bullets very often. Similar to Deadpool, Wolverine is more likely to run into bullets than away from them because fuck it.
Every shot hurts and slows Wolverine down. They also make him angrier. Wolverine’s feral nature works to his advantage about 50% of the time. If he’s fighting another brute, it is beneficial. if he’s fighting a tactician, it’ll bite him in the arse. Unfortunately, Wolverine is fighting head-to-head with the former.
Despite his frustration, Wolverine would have enough sense in him to find cover behind a dumpster. He’d know by now that Deathstroke is no ordinary marksman.
Instead of risking having Wolverine completely heal from his wounds, Deathstroke would drop his weapons and charge with his sword in hand. After all, he’s just as effective in hand-to-hand combat as he is with a gun.
Wolverine would hear Slade’s footsteps coming closer. There would be no sense in sneaking around since Wolverine has heightened senses, but Deathstroke would try anyways.
THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN WOLVERINE WOULD LEAP OVER THE DUMPSTER AND—
BANG BANG BANG
Deathstroke would quick draw his pistol and hit Wolverine 3 times. All 3 shots would be in the chest because he’s fucking nice with it. Wolverine wouldn’t flinch though and would land on Deathstroke with his 6 claws deep in Slade’s shoulders. He’d pull out (heh) and slice Slade two more times before a badly injured Deathstroke would manage to kick him off.
At this point, Wolverine would be completely healed from the rifle shots and begin to heal from the pistol shots. Oh, and he’d be really fucking angry. Deathstroke would be in serious pain and his regeneration would kick start. If you don’t know much about Deathstroke, he reaches insanity when he recovers from fatal wounds. Like literal insanity. Deathstroke would draw his sword again. They would both be in feral states slicing each other up.
They’d eventually drop in a big bloody fucking mess. After about a half hour, Wolverine would get up, crack his neck and back, and glance down at his opponent. He’d walk away, wearing Slade’s blood with pride.
"Nice sparrin’ with ya bub."
Writing about it right now. Probably post it in an hour or so.
So, this is my realistic take on how this fight would go…
So let’s just say Batman had no prior encounters with Daredevil, since I’m convinced that a prepared Batman is an unstoppable Batman.
I like the idea of this fight because Daredevil’s blindness and fearlessness directly counter Batman’s usual approach: Stalking foes and instilling fear in them. Daredevil is blind, so Batman’s use of the darkness would be useless. Daredevil has fought in the darkness since he was struck blind.
Batman might start off by sneaking around, trying to find an opening. As soon as he would find it, he’d pounce, and Daredevil would counter with ease by connecting his foot with Batman’s face.
Batman would then calculate how hard he was hit and estimate his opponent’s strength. It wouldn’t take much time to realize that Daredevil does not have any super strength.
He’d then throw some batarangs which would be swiftly dodged by Daredevil. Batman would either assume that Daredevil is a highly trained fighter or that he has superhumanly enhanced senses. Nonetheless, Batman would find that he is the better of the two, having fought and beaten what seems like much more dangerous foes.
Daredevil would be on the defensive the entire time. It’s what he does best. He lets his opponents make enough noise to paint a clear picture in his mind. Once his opponent tires himself out (which he’d be able to find out by regulating their heart beats with his super senses) he would use all of his unused energy to pummel the shit out of whoever he’s fighting,
Batman would try to end the fight quickly by throwing 3 smoke bombs around Daredevil. The initial “Pop!” of each bomb would be enough for Daredevil to paint a clear picture of Batman. Batman would try to connect with three hard punches and miss all of them. Daredevil would counter with two slams to Batman’s head with his billy club and one kick to the stomach. Batman would absorb the kick by Daredevil and grab onto his leg, successfully pulling him closer and slamming one into his nose. Daredevil would try to recover just to be punched 3 more times by the Batman. With a quick back flip, Daredevil would evade Batman’s next two punches and create distance between the two.
It is at this point that Daredevil would go on the offensive, not so much because Batman’s heart has shown any signs of fatigue, but because he allowed himself to be hit and is angered because of it.
Daredevil would connect his billy clubs into a staff and take a huge upward swing at Batman. The Dark Knight would attempt to leap over it, but his scrotum would suffer a soft, slightly pleasing graze. He’d giggle and blush for a second; enough time for an angry Daredevil to tackle him to the ground.
While they’re on the ground, Batman would try to test the boundaries between him and Daredevil by softly twisting his left nipple. Daredevil would be a little confused at this point and would react by grabbing Batman’s ass cheek.
Within 2 minutes, both heroes would be wearing nothing but their masks and socks. They eventually would find that Batman has the more dominating personality and adjust accordingly…
It’s epic and is a must-read.
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